"Admit it you’ve raised your hand to answer the obvious question so you don’t get called on later."
"I wish I could go back to the day I met you… and walk the hell away."
"I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year."
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce!"
"Don’t be too confident when someone tells you that they love you, the real question is “until when?” sometimes it’s just like seasons."
Friend:
“Where are you?”
Me:
“Robbing a bank.”
Friend:
“Omg really?”
ME:
“No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!”
"Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left.
So they started crying and headed home."
"If you don’t like me: -Take a map -Get a car -Drive to → HELL!! Have a nice trip."
"I hate how after an argument I think of more clever shit I should have said."
