Funny Card Quotes

Funny Card Quotes

Funny Card Quotes
Funny Card Quotes

Funny Card Quotes
Funny Card Quotes

Funny Card Quotes
Funny Card Quotes

Funny Quotes & e-cards collection

If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind I’d be SO skinny!

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.

Girls work on their looks but not their minds b’coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.

I hate long distance relationships. That’s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom!

Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday!!

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Some funny Quotes and e-cards

It’s all fun and games,
until someone calls the cops.
Then it’s a new game!
Hide and seek.

 My life is all math!

I am trying to add to my income,

subtract from my weight,

divide my time

and avoid multiplying.

 

Be that kind of woman that,

when your feet hit the floor

each morning

the devil says

“oh crap she’s up”

Funny Quotes & e-cards

I hate when i plan a conversation in my
head and the other person doesn’t follow
the damn script . . .


Oh ,you are a model.What’s your
agency?Instagram?



Never make the same mistake
twice.There are so many new once ,try
different one each day.

Quotes

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity."


"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."


"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."

"I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."

"If you can smile when things go wrong, That means you have someone in mind to blame."

"His I.Q. is so low you can’t test it. You have to dig his brain for it."

"Money is the root of all evil, for more information, send $50 please."

"He broke her heart, she broke his xbox. What do you think who cried harder?"

+LoL Just 4 Fun 

"Good friends don’t let you do stupid things alone."

"Money does not bring happiness, but shopping does."

"I am writing a book. I have got the page numbers done. Now I just have to fill the rest."

"Sex is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get excellent service, sometimes you get very poor service, sometimes you just have to rely on self-service."


"It's an irony that thousand of years have gone in people doing algebra, but “X” is still unknown."

Funny Quotes

"You don't have to like me ,
I'm not a Facebook status."

"I'm not getting older,
I'm just becoming a
Classic."

"Damn Right I'm good in bed!
I can sleep for days."

"Monday! You bastard!"

"If you stumble,
just make it part
of the dance."

"I'm not single. . .I'm in along standing
relationship with fun and freedom."

+LoL Just 4 Fun 

Funny Quotes

"I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason."


"I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! . . .
He’s dreaming too."


"Drinks: $40. Dinner: $70. Hotel room $200. The look on his face when she said, “I’m on my period”: Priceless..."


"I should win an oscar for acting like I’m busy at work."

"So I made up a new word: Askhole. A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them."

"I’m not shy. I’m just very good at figuring out who’s worth talking to.. Most of you aren’t."

"Did you ever notice: Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate ?"

"I love texting those people who reply super fast, it makes me feel like they really want to talk to me."

Funny Quotes

"Admit it you’ve raised your hand to answer the obvious question so you don’t get called on later."

"I wish I could go back to the day I met you… and walk the hell away."

"I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year."

"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce!"

"Don’t be too confident when someone tells you that they love you, the real question is “until when?” sometimes it’s just like seasons."

Friend:

“Where are you?”

Me:

“Robbing a bank.”

Friend:

“Omg really?”

ME:

“No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!”

"Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left.

So they started crying and headed home."

"If you don’t like me: -Take a map -Get a car -Drive to → HELL!! Have a nice trip."

"I hate how after an argument I think of more clever shit I should have said."