| If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind I’d be SO skinny! |
| Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad. |
| Girls work on their looks but not their minds b’coz they know boys are stupid, not blind. |
| Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you. |
| I hate long distance relationships. That’s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom! |
| Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants? |
| How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday!! |
